Syfy's 'Beast of the Bering Sea' Review, of a sort

Syfy's 'Beast of the Bering Sea' Review

Syfy Channel aired Beast of the Bering Sea (aka Bering Sea Beast) last Saturday night.

The movie stars Cassie Scerbo (Make it or Break It), Brandon Beemer (The Bold and the Beautiful), Kevin Dobson (Days of our Lives) and Jonathan Lipnicki.

It was written by Brook Durham, who pumped out such classics (due for riffing) as Showdown at Area 51, Tasmanian Devils, Witchslayer Gretl, Red: Werewolf Hunter.


The movie opens innocently enough, with some great stock footage of icy scenic moments, which is more than what I can say for most movies.

The characters are more or less meeting each other and they're headed out to a claim of some sorts out in the "open?" water.  I only suggest open because I kept seeing a dock reflecting off the surface of the water behind everyone at times.

Two divers go under the water to look for treasure.

The filming under the water is weird, choppy.  I'm not sure if that's for effect or what.

One diver sticks his knife in the sand and a thing erupts from under the dirt, killing him.  The other diver finds his body and panics.  The people in the boat split and leave the area to get away from the presumed shark.

Then this family of treasure hunters wants to wait until after some auction to report the death of their own family member.  (Wow, some family.)


We break to a scene where an alarm clock goes off, and this woman wakes up... smiling, as she looks out her window at the lake (Or was it supposed to be an ocean?) scene in front of her her.  It felt like a Folgers coffee ad.

But uh ho... something has washed ashore!  Yep, you guessed it.  Our family member's body has floated to the beach.  But don't worry, she doesn't want to report the body either.  (LOL)  She thinks something other than a shark attacked him and wants time to research the body before the coroner gets to it.  (Yes, she psychically connected to our stars and knew they thought shark, 'cause she never got near the body aside from pulling a crab off his face.)

We're then introduced to the creepy auction participants who win the bid for the piece of water our stars were surveying.

And just when I was settling in on being on the bubble about this movie, the deep sea fishing scene takes place.

"Dad" is out with a guy fishing.  Something takes the line and starts to "swim" very fast away.  As the fisherman in the seat is trying to convey fighting with the line, his belt unbuckles at the perfectly wrong time and he ends up getting pulled into the ocean.  Then he gets sucked under the water.

As "Dad" looks on, something jumps out of the water and lands on the end of the boat.

I swear, its head looks like they grabbed the old Gorn monster head from the classic Star Trek series and painted it black, then stuck it on a rubber bat body and sprayed it down.  It then holds very still while it roars or screams at the human.

It attacks dad.  The kids come to the rescue and while they were driving dad back to the hospital, a baby Gorn/Bat erupts from his body.  Ala, Alien.

OMG... then the ensuing conversations and actions are clipped and well, your standard Saturday night B-movie fare.  If that good.


The editing is what destroys this movie... well, that's not the only thing, but it's bad.  Pretty bad.  They always say that editing makes or breaks a movie.  This movie got broken.

Any scene where there's some form of an emergency, the four people scream and shout and try to sound like a crowd of 20 people.  It's cute.

The Ford Bronco they use had front wheels that wobbled when it moved.

The monster wrapped its wings around its victims, and it looked like it was jerking the victim's body off to kill them.

Oh, and they were using sea nets to capture something that can fly and hover and shit.

Oh #2:  When a motorcycle rider gets beheaded, his bike blows up.  Nice!!!

The electrical generator (the same brand each time) kept flaming out, like a Tesla.

The monsters could be beat by big flashing lights.


Those were the good points.

I didn't find any hope for this movie except as the movie ended, it was feeling like the actors were happy it was over.

IF YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT... get a fifth or six-pack, call friends, and have fun by riffing the crap out of it.  Trust me, you won't miss any critical dialog.


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