ETERNALS (2021) Review: About As Boring As You Can Get

ETERNALS (2021) Review: About As Boring As You Can Get

The Eternals stars Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Kit Harington, Kumail Nanjiani, Lia McHugh, Brian Tyree Henry, Lauren Ridloff, Barry Keoghan, Ma Dong-seok, & Harish Patel. The film is directed by Chloe Zhao (The Rider, Songs My Brothers Taught Me).

Basically, the film jumps back and forth between present day and the past of humanity as we follow what is called the 'saga of the Eternals' as they use their powers to shape the civilizations and history of Earth.  We watch them battle dragons in bygone eras and their emotional interactions in present day.

As time goes on, all the dragons and monsters had been defeated, but suddenly, something changes and a dragon (it’s more of a referral I'm using for the demon monsters they’re dealing with) shows up, and suddenly, the Eternals find themselves banding back together after spending many many years forging their own, individual lives.

But things aren’t as they seem they should be and as the Eternals start to delve into this new development or problem, they learn things that they had no clue about, and things start to turn sideways for them, their lives and their allegiance.

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I don’t know where to start…

A third of the movie is barely watchable on a phone due to scenes that take place at night or in caves.

I expected A LOT more from Jolie, but for the first two acts her character was just an emotional vegetable, and she barely stepped up as the third act evolved.

Hayek seemed to also be wasted, but by mid-act two, I was getting used to this.

We’re watching characters (or at least I am) that we’ve never heard of because we never bought their comic books, so we had to suffer watching the film try to make these god-like beings relatable in flashbacks and present-day stabs at relationships.

The threat is so big, but not that big… as it only threatens the Earth  and not the entire cosmos.

And then there’s the big twist with the internal dynamic of the team that took the wind out of my sails and definitely surprised me.

All in all, I’m glad I waited until it came to Disney+ and NOT paid Box Office dollars to see this film. I would have been disappointed in my expensive boredom…

Maybe it’s just me, because it got a 6.5/10 on IMDb. But I don’t believe I’d chase after any sequel that may or may not come out.  (Though they did warn us that the Eternals will return)

And those mid and after-credit scenes made absolutely ZERO sense to me.

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